I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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