She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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