Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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