I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He shit in the fireplace
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
