So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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