Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
