Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
