Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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