I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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