Princesses don't give blow jobs
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
