I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
