I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she told me i tasted like america
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
