apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
