WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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