So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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