Need sex. Gaining weight.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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