I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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