I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Everyone says I win the strip club
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
