As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
