This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize