After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
