He disabled his match.com account in front of me
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
