I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just google imaged poop.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
