What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
