I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
