i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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