did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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