he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I love you. Go after that dick
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize