Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
