I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
