careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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