So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
