haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
