I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
