I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize