You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
