worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
