hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
