Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
