Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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