I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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