Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
