You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
