Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
