he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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