Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
