I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
