she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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