i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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