I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
