My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
