mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
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