His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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