Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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