My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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