i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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