just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
