i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize