There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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