my sisters under your porch take her home
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
