I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
