I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
