I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
