I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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