I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
