They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
