the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
