Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
