I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
