Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You left your phone here
Wait...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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