okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
