i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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