he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
