All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
