Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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