I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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