I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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