Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
