Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Let's get the cat blown out
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
