we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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