iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
