There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
