Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
