i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
