her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Green mimosas i think yes
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
