is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
barbara walters just said penis...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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