New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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