the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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