I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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