those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
