I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
