His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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