fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
