the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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