dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
