Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
