guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
