Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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