My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
