so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm at about main and main street
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
